no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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