Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
