I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Your penis caused this!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
