i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
