She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
