I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
