Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
