My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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