Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
