i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize