Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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