Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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