I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
