so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
