So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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