Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm passing your future prison.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
