My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
