"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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