3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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