So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sext me about skeletons
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
