O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
