i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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