we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
