There is no way he is gay with that hair.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
