I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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