Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
