hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
