I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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