Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
