i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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