Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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