His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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