I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
