hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
