this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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