I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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