"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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