He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
