You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
