and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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