So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
