he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
