he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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