fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
