I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Randomize
