i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
