I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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