I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
