I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i love accidental penises.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
