Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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