we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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