I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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