when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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