went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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