Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
