New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Someone shattered a urinal.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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