When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
