Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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