New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
