Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
