my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
