Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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