very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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