it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
