but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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