the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
