yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just found puke in my bra..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
