Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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