Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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