And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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