the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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