I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I wear drunk well.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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