I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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