I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize