I bet he comes in French.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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