another moral hangover. fuck.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
