I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
