He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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