I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
