I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
