I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!