dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
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Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.