i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
