Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.