Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.

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  (832): Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/kcg4
  Replies (2) Good night (1038) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess

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  (704): oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess http://tfl.nu/vowo
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (1759)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

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  (310): Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches. http://tfl.nu/8y2o
  Replies (40) Good night (3237) Bad night (856)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...

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  (701): My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this... http://tfl.nu/7jfd
  Replies (70) Good night (6424) Bad night (1408)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.

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  (+61): We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well. http://tfl.nu/yavz
  Replies (21) Good night (2020) Bad night (2734)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.

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  (530): We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes. http://tfl.nu/38if
  Replies (11) Good night (4505) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.

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  (770): If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door? (910): That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating? (770): Touche. (910): I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR. http://tfl.nu/rwye
  Replies (6) Good night (4116) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.

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  (563): I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating. http://tfl.nu/5u43
  Replies (2) Good night (1250) Bad night (1436)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear

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  (949): 'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear http://tfl.nu/1b4e
  Replies (5) Good night (1454) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.

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  (807): It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time. http://tfl.nu/tzie
  Replies (5) Good night (2350) Bad night (670)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming

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  (615): Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming http://tfl.nu/odmb
  Replies (4) Good night (1396) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.

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  (215): Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke. http://tfl.nu/g0ji
  Replies (2) Good night (705) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.

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  (785): So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck. http://tfl.nu/iki8
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (410)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.

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  (316): I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger. http://tfl.nu/dz7z
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES

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  (718): DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES http://tfl.nu/23my
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (312)

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