She's JV to your varsity
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?