Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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