Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him