i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
