If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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