Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
