i think my tv is drunk
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
