Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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