That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
