I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i now understand why vodka
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
