I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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