eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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