There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
