Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
