I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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