You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early