im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..