its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
