Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
