Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?