Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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