Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME