I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.