Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.